I’ve tried to write another post for three weeks now and have run into an old monster that terrorized me for years, one I thought I had captured, caged, and would never see again. I have a hard time doing certain things, especially things that will be seen or read by others. A terrible weakness to overcome, especially for one who feels at their core they were placed here on this beautiful blue globe to help others and express themselves through creative endeavors. I believe it can be traced back to my, at-one-time, almost manic obsession with being perfect. I affectionately call this terrible monster “The Perfect Lie.”

I am the eldest son of a strong type A father who has spent his life telling other what to do and when to do it (very rarely why to do it or how to do it) and a stronger type A mother who has spent her life telling me and my 5 siblings what to do and when to do it, many times how to do it and often times demanding to know why we did it. She being the only child of a wonderful, rather demanding, man who loved life and other living things, and spent his life working the land and running cattle through the beautiful mountains of Northern Utah. All good people who have shared their DNA with me… bless their souls!

And, if that is not enough, I was strongly encouraged to be potty-trained at a very young age. (Evidence presented herewith…) There was a time I felt I had no chance in life.

Potty Training at Two Months Old. ...'nuff said!

If that wasn’t enough, I then pursued a career that demanded every creative expression I produced be placed in front of others for critiquing… for criticism, to be torn apart into its smallest pieces and judged for its right to be.

I was expected, encouraged, required, exhorted, and, some might say, demanded… to be perfect. To excel, exceed, outperform, surpass, transcend… and please everyone else. That is, until I said “enough is enough!”

“…no, really… well, because that’s the way I feel… …is that too strong? Really? I’m sorry… please forgive me… I promise to try harder, do better, pay more attention… and never do THAT again… PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! …like me… …I’m trying to be perfect… Really!”

I went round and round with this until I finally realized one day that what I was pursuing was not only impossible and disheartening, it was killing me. “Perfection” is a mindset and a concept that causes nothing but pain and heartache. …sometimes the heartache is literal…

I determined that if I were to not only to survive, but “excel” or be “excellent” in my life, I must move past the perfect mindset. Perfection is impossible. Excellence is, not only attainable, but preferable, and much more fulfilling. It took the better part of forty years to understand that perfection is a lie. It is a lie that hurt then, hurts now, and will hurt in the future. It is damming. It stops progress. If not handled properly, growth is sacrificed for the pursuit of perfection as it is impossible to be, do, and know everything, and to never offend, disappoint, or hurt anyone else… to be perfect.

If you cannot stop the pursuit of perfection and concentrate on being excellent in your life, you’ll quit taking chances or risks. Quit taking chances or risks, or putting yourself in situations where you are uncomfortable, and you’ll cease to learn. If you cease learning, you’ll block personal growth. And, ironically, if you cannot grow, you’ll never, ever approach excellence! …let alone perfection.

Every time I notice this terrible monster returning, I have to remind myself that, at its very center, I believe life is a journey of adventure, an almost mystical opportunity to challenge our intellect, a quest that stretches our heart and broadens our understanding.

Living is a unique opportunity to learn and grow, love and be loved, to give and take, share and receive, and, through the process, make a positive contribution to the lives of all we touch both directly and indirectly during our many journeys and adventures.

I believe that life’s journey is taken one step at a time. As great paintings are developed and appear one small stroke, one small adjustment in color, balance, tone, and texture at a time, so great lives are designed one small selection—one decision—at a time. Our lives are the result of the hundreds of small choices and selections we make every day.

At times, if we are actively engaged in life, we will experience large, even gargantuan shifts in understanding and direction. These sometimes happen by choice. However, more often than not, growth is forced upon us by the universe. If we pay attention, are wide awake, and properly understand the principle of perspective, personal growth and brilliance, new opportunity, and the thrill of pursuing a new adventure are, more often than not, the result of these challenges.

I believe that life—like art, design, and the universe—is about balance, tension, harmony, contrast, purpose, intent, patterns, proportions, themes, restrictions, parameters, and formal as well as contextual elements.

I believe that life is about growth and change—preferably purposely created and intended. It is about new and different perspectives, ever-increasing vistas, and deeper understandings.

I believe that life is about helping others—those we know and love and those we love but don’t yet know—to find happiness and joy along their chosen life paths. I believe with every cell of my very human heart that life is about relationships. I believe that life is about the mind and the heart and about the relationships that cause each to grow.

My only hope in writing Warming Trends™ and making posts in Offpoint Chatter™ is to perhaps cause you to pause and reflect before you make a judgment about some future situation. I hope to encourage you to consider other perspectives and other dynamics that may be at work and perhaps, just perhaps, to make a better selection than one you may have made using the limitations of your current understanding or rote patterns of thought and behavior.

…and do it while completely ignoring The Perfect Lie.

Russ Bethers, April 2010

All material COPYRIGHT© 2010, Russell R. Bethers, Offpoint, Inc., USA
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