I am the eldest son of a strong type A father who has spent his life telling other what to do and when to do it (very rarely why to do it or how to do it) and a stronger type A mother who has spent her life telling me and my 5 siblings what to do and when to do it, many times how to do it and often times demanding to know why we did it. She being the only child of a wonderful, rather demanding, man who loved life and other living things, and spent his life working the land and running cattle through the beautiful mountains of Northern Utah. All good people who have shared their DNA with me… bless their souls!

And, if that is not enough, I was strongly encouraged to be potty-trained at a very young age. (Evidence presented herewith…) There was a time I felt I had no chance in life.

Potty Training at Two Months Old. ...'nuff said!

If that wasn’t enough, I then pursued a career that demanded every creative expression I produced be placed in front of others for critiquing… for criticism, to be torn apart into its smallest pieces and judged for its right to be.

I was expected, encouraged, required, exhorted, and, some might say, demanded… to be perfect. To excel, exceed, outperform, surpass, transcend… and please everyone else. That is, until I said “enough is enough!”

“…no, really… well, because that’s the way I feel… …is that too strong? Really? I’m sorry… please forgive me… I promise to try harder, do better, pay more attention… and never do THAT again… PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! …like me… …I’m trying to be perfect… Really!”

I went round and round with this until I finally realized one day that what I was pursuing was not only impossible and disheartening, it was killing me. “Perfection” is a mindset and a concept that causes nothing but pain and heartache. …sometimes the heartache is literal…

I determined that if I were to not only to survive, but “excel” or be “excellent” in my life, I must move past the perfect mindset. Perfection is impossible. Excellence is, not only attainable, but preferable, and much more fulfilling. It took the better part of forty years to understand that perfection is a lie. It is a lie that hurt then, hurts now, and will hurt in the future. It is damming. It stops progress. If not handled properly, growth is sacrificed for the pursuit of perfection as it is impossible to be, do, and know everything, and to never offend, disappoint, or hurt anyone else… to be perfect.

If you cannot stop the pursuit of perfection and concentrate on being excellent in your life, you’ll quit taking chances or risks. Quit taking chances or risks, or putting yourself in situations where you are uncomfortable, and you’ll cease to learn. If you cease learning, you’ll block personal growth. And, ironically, if you cannot grow, you’ll never, ever approach excellence! …let alone perfection.

Every time I notice this terrible monster returning, I have to remind myself that, at its very center, I believe life is a journey of adventure, an almost mystical opportunity to challenge our intellect, a quest that stretches our heart and broadens our understanding.

Living is a unique opportunity to learn and grow, love and be loved, to give and take, share and receive, and, through the process, make a positive contribution to the lives of all we touch both directly and indirectly during our many journeys and adventures.

I believe that life’s journey is taken one step at a time. As great paintings are developed and appear one small stroke, one small adjustment in color, balance, tone, and texture at a time, so great lives are designed one small selection—one decision—at a time. Our lives are the result of the hundreds of small choices and selections we make every day.

At times, if we are actively engaged in life, we will experience large, even gargantuan shifts in understanding and direction. These sometimes happen by choice. However, more often than not, growth is forced upon us by the universe. If we pay attention, are wide awake, and properly understand the principle of perspective, personal growth and brilliance, new opportunity, and the thrill of pursuing a new adventure are, more often than not, the result of these challenges.

I believe that life—like art, design, and the universe—is about balance, tension, harmony, contrast, purpose, intent, patterns, proportions, themes, restrictions, parameters, and formal as well as contextual elements.

I believe that life is about growth and change—preferably purposely created and intended. It is about new and different perspectives, ever-increasing vistas, and deeper understandings.

I believe that life is about helping others—those we know and love and those we love but don’t yet know—to find happiness and joy along their chosen life paths. I believe with every cell of my very human heart that life is about relationships. I believe that life is about the mind and the heart and about the relationships that cause each to grow.

My only hope in writing Warming Trends™ and making posts in Offpoint Chatter™ is to perhaps cause you to pause and reflect before you make a judgment about some future situation. I hope to encourage you to consider other perspectives and other dynamics that may be at work and perhaps, just perhaps, to make a better selection than one you may have made using the limitations of your current understanding or rote patterns of thought and behavior.

…and do it while completely ignoring The Perfect Lie.

Russ Bethers, April 2010

All material COPYRIGHT© 2010, Russell R. Bethers, Offpoint, Inc., USA
You are free to link to this post, however, No part of this material in any form or portion may be used without the prior written permission of the author.

It has been my experience that action usually creates “dust” – or evidence of activity – however, not all action leads to progress. Sometimes this falls into the category of keeping oneself busy because one is too fearful to face the rigors of a truly adventurous life of discovery.

A few years ago, there was a morning when I awoke terrified by the looming day and all that it held. I was in a place where it seemed the Universe was pounding me for every poor choice and questionable decision that I had made to that point in my life.

As I looked back on the previous decade, it seemed that at every opportunity where I had a choice to make I made the wrong selection.

At that moment I realized that I needed to change my thought processes, the direction my life was taking, the path I was walking, some of the individuals I had chosen as traveling companions and many philosophies by which I had planned my journey.

I realized that the little cottage I had built so carefully out in the middle of the plain and surrounded with a wall and mote to keep life out was the very thing that had attracted the attention and wrath of everything that I had feared. I realized in an instant that I had spent years building motes and walls – hiding from life hoping it would not find and hurt me again. However, it did.

I learned that life does not treat kindly those who attempt to hide from it.

Fortunately, I had placed the responsibility for my predicament squarely where it should have been – on me. I knew that I was solely responsible for my miserable situation. I alone had been the one behind the wheel of my little jalopy as it careened out of control ending up at the bottom of some lonely, hot, and dusty ravine leaving me bloodied, desperate, and thirsty. I was running scared – terrified of life – and I was old enough to know better.

When I was younger, my grandfather would often ask me “if I’d learned anything valuable?” He would usually bring this up after I had a hard lesson. He was not one to give a lot of direction before hand, however, he was brilliant at helping me see the lessons in my experiences and how the choices I made affected the outcomes in those situations.

One day, just before I was to leave for college when we had finished working in the field moving the bales of hay into a stack, he asked me if “I had gained three years of experience in High School or had merely had one year’s experience three times?” I didn’t fully understand this question until a few years passed and I had heard it from many other people in other contexts. The importance of learning from my experiences has since been a critical principle as I’ve traveled my path in life.

How about you? Are you hiding from life or are you learning new things? Having new adventures? Making new discoveries? About yourself? About others? About the world around you? About how you fit into the universe? Does your life and living mean something? What? Too whom? Most importantly, are you happy?

I have found that satisfaction and happiness in my life is tied directly to new journeys of adventure and discovery.

There is perhaps nothing that I dislike more than covering the same ground over and over and over again. I like new things! I like experiences that cause me to grow. I like learning new things that force me to reconsider all that I believe. I like to be interrupted, awakened from my habit-induced fog, encouraged to see everything in a new light. I like action that causes progress for that is the only way our perspective will change and we will gain wisdom. I believe that wisdom is the result of a life well lived. Living to learn is the only way we can truly learn how to live.

In my opinion, there is only one time when the mere action of causing dust might cause some progress. That is when one might revisit some experience or something that happened in the past, dust it off and bring it out into the light of day and deal with it. There are times when it is important to visit the dark corners of one’s mind and reconsider past choices and the results. I certainly do not advocate one doing this until it becomes a manic obsession. Revisiting the past to learn from it should be a “weekend visit with old friends to reminisce about things fond, shared, but mostly forgotten,” not to “move into an old house haunted by every mistake we have made.”

“We learn from history that we do not learn from history,” is an old yarn used by those who love the study of History. I believe that is a true observation.

Applied personally, do we really learn from our own unique, individual “history?”

Have we had three years experience or have we had one years experience three times?

I believe these are important questions to consider as we contemplate change and progress in our lives.

Russ Bethers, March 2010

All material COPYRIGHT© 2010, Russell R. Bethers, Offpoint, Inc., USA
You are free to link to this post, however, No part of this material in any form or portion may be used without the prior written permission of the author.